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Ken's LiveJournal:
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| Thursday, May 1st, 2008 | | 12:43 am |
Since the last post., a lot has happened. (sorry, no real proofreading in this)
I have moved in with sonicblu, spyke, in columbus, ohio. Currently I'm focused on getting work, and getting back financially on my feet. I don't have a computer for my own use at the apartment, and the ones here are always busy. I don't want to screw up anybodies chat client by trying to set up my profiles, or settings. There is a 98 box that would do, but no network card for that yet. I actually am writing this from akron, after taking care of my mom for a couples days. Very bad case of viral meningitis. I apologize to everybody, I'm going to get a library card tomorrow after I convey our new roommate faytus to a job interview in the afternoon. I'll be able to post to lj and check mail every morning at least. And yes, baka, if you are reading this, it is the folf of the same name you met at a con not to long ago. Hard to keep up with his energy, but I'm getting closer and closer to over the hill, so I shouldn't be surprised ;) I'm still misspelling his name, though I think. :/ Seriously, not being able to easily touch base with everybody can be really depressing. Makes you feel like not making the effort. don't be dumb like me folks, tell that feeling to fuck off, and find a way. I promise you, you'll like the results better. | | Friday, December 7th, 2007 | | 4:56 pm |
| | Tuesday, December 26th, 2006 | | 4:19 am |
Well happy renewal festival.
There have been festivals of renewal and rebirth at the darkest time of the year since we figured out the fire thing. So regardless of what you call it, nothing signals the rebirth of hope in the darkest days and hours like a big party. Amen. I would request a moment of silence or James Brown. I will learn to play guitar like that, it will be a nice diversion while i get my metal chops together. ^^ My car should be fixed by next week, which is good. Rent worries seem to be easing, which is better. I may actually be able to start paying people back and saving. Now, to think about where to move, as ohio just isn't cutting it on any levels. Any suggestions? Christmas had to get put on hold, I got sick, so I couldn't go with my mom to visit my grandfather in the nursing home, but at least we'll be able to spend some time together soon. Peace, everyone. | | Tuesday, November 7th, 2006 | | 8:20 am |
small update.
First evaluation at work came back good, attendance needs work, but I knew that, being sick and visiting your ailing grandfather will do that. Otherwise, I should be able to keep this job. I guess this is improving my confidence. I can pay down debts, and by budgeting food, save up some money to travel,a nd move out of state. So, tentatively optimistic on that front. Been reflecting a lot on the past, and who I hurt when I was sick, and also just an asshole. The aunts and uncles used to allude to an abusive streak in the family, and I'd have to say that was right. Good reason enough, for me to say I'm sorry, and keep away from relationships. I could get sick again, and hurt who I love. But I also know total isolation isn't the answer, either. Just thinking, and wondering, and trying to stumble into something better. But at least I can face how horrible I really was. Later. | | Saturday, October 21st, 2006 | | 12:16 am |
| | Tuesday, October 10th, 2006 | | 2:41 am |
back from work
so much for replying the same night. sorry about that. too tired, still shaking off a little bit of the cold, ended up falling to sleep before I got on to post this a couple nights in a row. Was on briefly last night, this laptop doesn't have a mouse function, and I suck at window shortcuts like you wouldn't believe. Not the owner's fault of the machine though, at least its something. I get too easily frustrated though. Feeling better, at least cold wise, and looking for an adaptor so this thing can accept a mouse in the morning. Just got off of work, and need to get up early tomorrow, so I better get more sleep. At least there is food to eat. :) Peace | | Saturday, October 7th, 2006 | | 10:01 am |
I'm back.
I'm sorry if anybody has been worried or wondering what the hell happened to me. I've been training for a new job, now working at it. I finally got a dialup service at the apartment I live at last week, but was too sick with a cold to do more than sleep it off. When I was awake, it was usually taken. Grandfather had a couple small strokes, so I made it up to see my mom on friday, and touch base about that. (car did get finally fixed in the middle of this, thankfully). But again,too tired so I just slept when I wasn't talking with her, no online or offline social interaction otherwise. I am going to work this afternoon, I will update when I get home, if not via journal, then via email to as many of you as possible. Sorry for the long silence. I'll do better. | | Tuesday, August 29th, 2006 | | 12:43 pm |
meme.
Orpheus
33% Extroversion, 66% Intuition, 55% Emotiveness, 71% Perceptiveness
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You are an artist, an aesthete, a sensitive, and someone who has never really let go of that childlike innocence. To you, all of life has a sense of wonder in it, and the story of Orpheus was written about someone just like you.
When the Argo passed the island of the Sirens, Orpheus played a song more beautiful than the Sirens to prevent the crew from becoming enticed. When his wife died, he ventured into the underworld to charm Hades but, in his naivete, he looked back becoming trapped there.
You can capture your unique world view and relate it to others with the skill of a master storyteller. Your sensitivity and creativity make you a treasure to the human race, but your thin-skinned nature and innocence can cause you a lot of disenchantment and pain. What's doubly unfortunate is that, if you try to lose those traits, you never will, and everyone will be able to tell that you're putting up an artificial shell to prevent yourself from being hurt.
Famous people like you: Hemingway, Shakespeare, Mr. Rogers, Melville, Nick Tosches
Stay clear of: Icarus, Hermes, Atlas
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My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: | You scored higher than 99% on Extroversion | | You scored higher than 99% on Intuition | | You scored higher than 99% on Emotiveness | | You scored higher than 99% on Perceptiveness |
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Cleaning up old entries, this journal will be mostly friends only soon. | | Tuesday, June 27th, 2006 | | 1:09 am |
| | Friday, April 28th, 2006 | | 8:29 pm |
You may think
that you are needed in this life so badly that something must happen now, and that guilt will consume you if it does not, and the world will collapse, etc, etc, blah blah. Get a life, and deflate your ego a bit. You aren't as important as breathing, the world goes on. Don't get caught up in your own percieved self importance to someone or something you end up making promises over and over you can't fulfill. And then you go from having an exxagerated sense of your worth in their life, and being irresponsible in your actions, to losing what importance you do have, and pissing off who you wanted to impress in the first place. So, from personal experience, take some deep breaths, be logical. you aren't all that to them. Make it work right or not at all. Unless you want to lose the friendship you actually do have, which is always more vaulable than the one you think you have. This has tons of spelling errors, but I'm really too tired to give a crap. Later. Oh, and I got a 93 metro thanks to a roommate, that gets mad gas mileage. so maybe I won't go totally broke. Yay. | | Tuesday, April 4th, 2006 | | 12:25 pm |
I figure I should update.
I have moved down to columbus, seeking employment, with a nice car. It'll be even nicer when I get a few things fixed on it. I have not been online as much, no computer of my own. I have been up in akron for the last 36 hours getting some of my stuff and tieing up more loose ends. I had about ten minutes on messenger this morning, then I had to move. I'll try and be on later, if anyone wants to talk. And I will put out more details. I just figured I should at least say something. | | Sunday, March 5th, 2006 | | 5:31 pm |
kind of general, semi cryptic (but not really) sort of meaningful thought.
After a while You don't even know why you fight, you just do it over anything. You aren't even relying on the past anymore, just a bundle of raw nerves. Enough allready. Just gonna try to be peacefull, and let go. Whether something is there, or isn't there, it doesn't matter. It probably isn't, and even on the off chance it is, I don't have to, and don't want to react to it, let alone overreact like its so easy to do. Bless you everyone. Sorry for the bad times, and hope you have some good ones. Don't feel like there is something wrong with you, just enjoy what you have. Truce, at least for me, with life, with the world, with everybody. Fuck war. | | Wednesday, February 22nd, 2006 | | 4:27 pm |
Curiousity wins.
If you had me alone...locked up in your house for twenty-four hours and I had to do whatever you wanted me to, what would you do with me? All replies will be permanently screened because it's a secret. Then repost this in your LJ. You might be surprised with the responses you get. | | Monday, February 13th, 2006 | | 9:35 pm |
I've been out of town, and been laying low besides. A lot of stuff in my head to work out, and I figured that I should try to do it without bothering my friends if possible. Its not cool to give the impression you only call or write needing something. Hopefully once I'm employed again, I can start giving back more. Not money per se, but it does allow me to actually do more than sit here and twiddle my thumbs. I'll be more reachable soon. My emails still work, if you need anything, or someone to talk to. Being useful, or at least being able to think I am, is always a good way to get me back talking. Honestly, thats most of what I want in life, to create something with value beyond me and my lifespan, that makes people appreciate life more. See things they don't always see. The entertainer in me, maybe. | | Friday, January 27th, 2006 | | 1:16 pm |
| | Thursday, January 19th, 2006 | | 4:12 am |
not much today.
the tooth way back on the left bottom side of my mouth, well, last night it broke off about a quarter of itself while I was brushing teeth. Went to the dentist, currently looking at either a root canal and crown, or a completely new bionic tooth. heh. Grinding your teeth at night + not having dental coverage and checkups for 3 years is not a good combination folks, just a heads up. Brushing and flossing don't help when you grind off your enamel at night. ;P I'm taking a fast regimin of antibitics for the infection big old 500 mg horse pills. Nothing like encapsulated mold :) I have to take then every six hours, so if you see me up at way past bedtime, I'm probably waiting to take one of them. My dentists advice, just in case it wasn't abvious enough with a jagged piece of enamel in my mouth, was to eat carefully. ^^ Night. | | Tuesday, January 17th, 2006 | | 5:06 am |
The big questions.
Why am I here? . . . oh yeah. someone has to feed the cats. Scratching at my door right now, they are. | | Wednesday, January 11th, 2006 | | 11:11 am |
Hello, Nice to be here.
My seasonal nightshift gig at Target officially ended sunday, and I worked my last day last night. Bigwigs were coming through to inspect and they needed the extra help before said people arrived for a seven thirty am inspection. I got about two hours of sleep in that period--I drove my mother to my grandparents near toledo to celebrate my grandmothers 86th birthday, then drive right back and make it to work just in time. I've been kind of comatose since then, catching on sleep. I've got three layers of clothes on, and I'm freezing. Dammit, I'm going where its warmer. Lot of you sleep naked. Thats cool, I would, but unless I'm a climate zone or two south of here, and/or have someone to sleep against for warmth, it ain't happening. >> I need another blanket. Anyway, I am looking into finally getting a car. Kuruama, I'll call tomorrow, and lets see whats available. With luck this week could be it for taking care of that business. I have some saved up money, I'm putting in applications, and management at Target let me know that they're going to try to get me a permanent position. I guess I made a good impression. At the least, I have my confidence back in regards to knowing I can work. So much to learn, to do, I've got a lot of cramming to do. I'm looking forward to it, for the first time in a while. I will be setting up a few filters from now on. Some will be a few people, some will be for individuals, etc. Being partially diurnal again will mean I can actually be reachable. I'm going to clean up the house tomorrow for my mother, and then take the car to get a cell phone. My checking account finally opened again. My debts are paid off as of today, (except to family of course, but at least they don't call five times a night every day about it :P). Time to go into the dentist, get a couple cavities filled, get a new job (with actual people to call from my last job, it gets a lot easier) And see about transportation, and visiting friends and catching up. I really don't like being online, and my mother and I both have aversion to using the phone. We prefer letters, actually, snail kind. Yes, I know I'm over the hill. Anyway, I'm surfacing again. And to all those who were there for me in the last couple of months, when I was coming to terms with the imminent death of my grandfather, and all my debts and past demons crashing in, thank you. Even if you only listen for a second, and were willing to be there, that was what I needed most, and it got me over the hump. Blessings, yall. I'll be in touch. EDIT: I posted this entry earlier, but it was pointed out by a friend that the cold part, while I intended to be more of a funny riff on true events deal, was being taken as me being all lonely. I do NOT want to seem like I'm complaining and trying to get you guys to feel all sorry for me. That wasn't the intention. :) Thanks. | | Monday, December 26th, 2005 | | 7:10 pm |
Back from a day at the grandparents, and an overdue update.
Been working nights at target, on seasonal team for the last month. Good side, made money, with help of family, I've been able to pay off my debts, or consolidate them, so I can actually save some money again. Downside, it ends soon, though they sent me a form asking me if I wanted to apply for some of the permanent positions coming up. I gleefully signed and delivered it today. Healthwise good, bit of a cold, but I finally got some sleep, so its going away. Friends, finally gettin the nerve to call you guys again when I can, given my schedule. This week, I'm getting a cell phone finally. Verizon, family plan. I got a couple surprise gifts from my mother, Bob Dylan's autobiography. I haven't been so inspired to get writing again in a long time. Now to buy a cheap guitar, and find a place to live thats warmer than this. Too damn cold up here, no sunshine, you get the picture. Great lakes have a habit of making the weather crappy. Don't be surprised if I call many of you soon, I have time off. Of course, part of that is being spent finding a place to live, and getting a car with decent gas mileage that can handle highway driving, even if I have to go 65 all the way. I guess, even with my grandfather on his way out, things are improving a lot. Thank you my friends, you were there when I was at my worst, and even just some kind brief words, knowing you cared, it got me through. Bless you, and talk to you soon. | | Friday, December 9th, 2005 | | 12:42 pm |
Update.
I've been working the last couple weeks night shift at target, unloading trucks, unboxing toys and seasonal merchandise, and stocking. Its not lifting 80 pound bags of concrete mix at home depot, but the combination of switching to a night schedule, doing some physical labor and a cold, did have an affect. Mainly, I was going to work, and then going home and sleeping, nothing in between. I missed at least one birthday, (belated happy birthday donovan, sorry bout that) and who knows what else. But the bottom line is, I'm working full time, making money, and improving my life, so I can save some cash, and go back to school. I can get my music going again, and that is what matters most. I will be in touch now, my email is still open,l and I should be awake long enough before work to check it from now on. Peace. |
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